 Chairman and Webmaster ~ Mike
The position of chairman is purely ornamental - no real power at all but requires subtlety to keep the meandering flock in line. The biggest issues the Chairman face's is inconsistencies, bitching and power struggle's within the committee but its hoped that prayer and a few decades of the rosary will help the flock see the bigger picture. Having grown up on cinnamon toast, board games and choppers with ribbons, banana seats and sissy bars Mike brings a breath of fresh air to the club. Like Ronnie, he's relentlessly passionate and focused about promoting the club. Has done fantastic work on our web site and its probably the best diving club site within Ireland and the UK. Behind that Barrack Obama facade he's like a 12 year old that can't wait to get into the water but most of his weekend is spent looking for Hunter & Mohawk, his trusty hounds. A real team player and asset to any Club or organization.
 
 Secretary ~ Emma
The club secretary keeps the rest of the club in line during meetings and keeps us on the Agenda, there's no small talk here and like a silent director controls the meetings with her discrete subtlety. She has a passion for doodling, mutts, picnics and ‘god help us' cases and is rumoured to be an Irish dancing instructor. Always on the pulse with diving related stories and programs, she keeps you informed of the latest and greatest. If you are really nice you might get a scone or some homemade jam on a dive site as well. An experienced and well respected diver, Emma adds colour to the dive site with her knitted tea cosy she uses as a hat. Emma is also known to a fetish for dressing up in Heidi outfits and has won many a fancy dress competition.
 Treasurer ~ Frank
Being a "real" accountant you would be forgiven for thinking that Frank is as exciting as a glass of water but NO our Frank is like 007, Rumour has it he built a plane from an old lawnmower, a tumble dryer and a cloths line.
However like Mike Kerrison he's always up in the clouds. Frank was promoted from the Eddie Hobbs school of economics to the McWilliams Academy of "I told you so" and has warned about tougher dive taxes to come.
One measure he is exploring is the tax on air consumption with a 5c per litre tax on cylinders with less than 100bar. Frank is also rumoured to have invented a similar board to Monopoly called ‘Síos an Leithreas" but unlike buying property you have to offload it without losing your home and the shirt on your back, the game is very popular with Bankers and Builders.
 Diving Officer ~ Brian
The DO advises us on what rules we are to turn a blind eye to and what rules are for other clubs. Historically DO's are all on a power trip and think their GOD but eventually they burn out or go mad. Ours is often seen shouting orders at dive site and he can be distinguished by his unusual head gear used to hide the fact that his hair is gradually moving south and now appears to be coming out of his nose and ears. Know locally as Captain Underpants he looks like a loveable cuddly rogue but this can be deceptive - approach with care but never without your logbook.
The diving officer looks after the planning of the season's Dive Plan, keeps a close eye on the weather and is ready to send out a text at a moment's notice to organize a dive. All club members should contact the DO if they plan to dive - whether it is with the club or not. A highly experienced instructor Brian is the nucleus of the club and is always available to assist, run or organise any diving activity, he's one of the most respected instructors within the region. Brian recently took up cycling and is currently looking for a skin-tight licra body suit to help with his slipstreaming although some say a corset would probably be more appropriate.
 
 Assistant Equipment Officer ~ Dave
Our Assistant EO is always smiling but this is believed to be trapped wind, approach with care and never with a naked flame. It's Rumoured that Murphy's Law was in fact based on the observations from Dave's experiences and if anyone knows Dave he has the Sidam touch which is the opposite of the Midas touch and it breaks or ruins everything within 50 feet. Just ask Dave about his Lamp !
Dave's sense of direction is second to none and he has won many an underwater orienteering competition, he can be easily recognised in the pool by his custom 5' blue fins and his Gay nicker Speedo's which I might add was where the idea for the thong was created. Dave is also an avid flute player and a member of Stockton's Wing.
 
 Equipment Officer ~ Johnny
All Equipment Officers will tell you that members can break, buckle, bend and destroy equipment by just looking at it and our motley crew keep Johnny working around the clock and it's just as well as he's no time left to give out. Never short of a spare fin, extra bottle or second hand Speedo's, Our EO keeps our equipment in tip top shape. Our EO is too acquainted with Murphy and St. Jude. John apparently has a fetish for washing machines and has the only working museum in Europe, there's a 50% reduction on entrance fees to divers during November. Its rumoured that there is a bounty on Johnny's long hair and anyone to cut it off will be promoted immediately to , Honorary Member as this title will no doubt be short lived, Approach with caution as John is proficient in Judo and apparently has all of Bruce Lee's videos and memorabilia displayed in his Museum of Appliances.
 
 Training Officer ~ Ciaran
Training officers iron out all the bad habits you were taught in previous years and prepare you for the worst as typically this will happen sooner rather than later. TO's work on the principle of Murphy's law and are often seen praying to St. Jude. Our current TO is well versed in this law and some say he knows Murphy personally. An Instructor with vast experience in the art of Home Brewing he also fancies himself as a freelance reporter but with stiff competition from Ronnie & Co. the journalism can only get better. Known locally as Chinky Chernobyl - I kid you not. A self confessed hypochondriac he's never without an arse or an elbow so ignore his moans and groans.
 
 Assitant Training Officer ~ Peter
Not just your average assistant or average snorkeler for that matter. After an accident at the local chemical factory Peter began to grow gills and webbed feet at the age of 7 and now looks more like a cross between a ninja and the man in the Cadbury milk tray ad. He runs an impressive training regime in the pool at UL during the winter months. He's passionate about snorkelling and is highly respected and a fantastic asset to have in any club. Everyone is encouraged to join Peter in UL and hopefully improve your breathing. Peter also lectures on the ancient Indian methods of Karma Sutra and has recently installed a pole in his surgery.
 Public Relations ~ Theresa
Dealing with the public is one of Theresa's virtues, working as a hair stylist she's plays a pivotal role in upholding the fabric of societies little up and downs, people flock from far and wide to have a chat and cup of brew, like a cross between Dr Phil, Judge Judy and Mother Theresa she's well able to quell the bitching, quarrels and one-upmanship within the Club and Community alike. For the ageing diving community, every Thursday between 11am and 3pm there's a specials on blue rinse's and custom toupee's. Its alleged that Theresa has acquired the contract to supply the Garda with Pepper spray, using a mixture of hairspray, cat's you know what, chilly power and Nitrox.
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